


this is the middle

by bestliars



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Oklahoma City Barons, Puppies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestliars/pseuds/bestliars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Circumstances conspire, and former high school sweethearts might not be the end of the story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is the middle

**Author's Note:**

> so, do you ever want to write stories about things that you don't entirely ship? because that's where I am with this.
> 
> SO MANY THANKS TO STELLARER! who is the best beta. she has all the grammar, and made this so much better, and listened to me talk, and yeah...<3s forever.

Jordan drives to the airport in Oklahoma City to pick Taylor up himself because he’s ready to have his best friend back. He’d be happier if they were reunited in Edmonton, but OKC is better than nothing. 

Jordan firmly believes that a friendly face at the baggage claim is a key step to get life in Oklahoma off to a good start. Taylor could have taken a cab or gotten a ride from somebody in the front office, but Jordan wanted to pick him up himself. It isn’t a hardship for Jordan to borrow Tubes’ car and just be there.

When he sees Taylor, they hug for maybe a moment longer than is strictly normal, but whatever. They grab Taylor’s bags and don’t stop smiling at each other.

Taylor is ridiculously excited to start playing games again, and Jordan has to tell him about absolutely everything that’s happening in Oklahoma City. The drive to their new apartment is peppered with questions. Jordan wracks his brain for every detail he can share. He’s gotten through general team dynamics, basic geography, and the highlights of delivery dining when he remembers one unusual situation that Taylor should probably be informed of.

“Um, so, just a heads up, but Justin Schultz probably thinks we’re dating.”

Taylor rolls his eyes. “Seriously, this again?”

They have a history with teammates thinking they’re a couple. When they were rookies it got super bad. They thought it was just an epic prank, with half their team pretending to think that Taylor and Jordan were a couple, but then they realized no, their team really thought that.

It was strange to see what assumptions their teammates had made about their relationship. It was easier to believe that the team thought he was dating Taylor than that they were capable of pulling off such a long and intricate prank.

Living with the assumptions wasn’t so bad. There was some teasing, but it was all in pretty good taste. It went so far that Horc made a speech about how you have to respect all your teammates regardless of their sexual orientation. That was nice to hear, but would have been way better if it hadn’t been inspired by the idea that Taylor and him were secretly in love or whatever.

They decided the best course of action was to say nothing. Saying that they weren’t dating didn’t work. It only got them pitying looks and assurances that they would be accepted no matter what.

That worked for a while, but eventually Jordan got so sick of looking at Sam’s worried face whenever Taylor picked up that he had to explain that no, they really weren’t dating, and yes, Jordan is super okay with this. He wasn’t pining and wasting away.

Sam maybe didn’t believe him, but it was enough to stop the more blatant speculation.

“Yeah, well...” It is pretty ridiculous. “We are kind of weird about each other.” That can’t be denied; it’s just best-friends-weird, not couple-weird.

Dating Taylor would be really weird. When they really became friends during World Juniors in 2010 Jordan wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, and if he had been he wouldn’t have chosen Taylor, who was in the thick of his ongoing awkward phase. Taylor had a super epic, mostly obvious crush on Adam Henrique. Jordan was too nice to mock him for it then, but during the playoffs he repeatedly sent Taylor pictures of Henrique’s spectacular facial hair choices, all asking Seriously? because seriously, that was hilarious.

Taylor had to remind Jordan that he was sixteen so it shouldn’t be held against him. Jordan thinks about who he liked when he was sixteen and thinks that Taylor probably had a point. That doesn’t mean Jordan can’t mock him.

The point is that when they met, dating Taylor was out of the question. Taylor was still coming to terms with the reality of playing while being less than straight. He needed guidance, not seduction. It was a kindness for Jordan and Tubes to take him under their wing the way they did. Since then they’ve stuck close, becoming the type of best friends who even smart guys like Justin Schultz mistake for a couple.

“Why can’t everyone be as sharp as Nuge?” Taylor whines.

It isn’t a fair question. Jordan still doesn’t have any idea how Ryan understood their dynamics right away. “I dunno. He’s just special.”

“Observant fucker,” Taylor says fondly.

Jordan nods in agreement. “He’s living with Schultz, so hopefully he’ll explain stuff so we won’t have to.”

“That would be awesome,” Taylor says. “Explaining this shit is hard. Now tell me about something that’s actually a thing, not just imaginary whatever.”

Jordan thinks about it. “When I picked up the car from Colt, Nahla was sitting in his suitcase, and it was super cute and then...”

“Are we really at the point in the conversation where you’re talking about cute dogs? Already?”

“I guess? I already told you about morning skate, and my breakfast was really boring, so looking at a cute dog is pretty much the only part of my day you haven’t already heard of.”

“What did you have for breakfast?” Taylor asked.

“Eggs and toast.” Jordan has no idea why this matters.

“I miss your eggs. You make them differently than my mom. You’ll make me eggs, right?”

“Sure I will,” Jordan says.

“Awesome,” Taylor grins. “Your life is totally sad and boring without me. The most exciting part of your day before I showed up was seeing your ex’s dog. That’s remarkably lame.”

Maybe. Jordan has missed Taylor a lot; he isn’t going to say that. “Whatever. Say what you will about my life, but don’t knock Nahla. She’s a great dog.”

Taylor can’t argue that. “Yeah, whatever. I know you’re happy to see me.”

Jordan really is.

~*~

There’s a party to celebrate Taylor's arrival. They can’t go out to a bar because Taylor won’t be able to drink in the states until November, and Nuge is still an absolute baby. (Well, not really, but they have to give him a hard time.) Maggie and Lander have a place with a deck, so they’re going to take advantage of the weather and having a bit of a cookout.

It’s good to have the boys back together. Jordan would’ve rather had it happen in Edmonton, but this’ll do. 

Jordan drove, with the intent of returning Colten’s car, but by the end of the night it’s clear Colt shouldn’t get behind the wheel. Jordan kind of wants to just go home, leave the car on the street, and let Colt get back on his own. That’s what he wants to do, but doing that would mean being a shitty friend, which he tries not to do.

He can trust Nuge and Schultzy to get Taylor back home, through the still unfamiliar streets of Oklahoma City. They’re good neighbors, good teammates, and good friends. They would never forget they’re expected to drive themselves home and go along with Maggie’s plan to end the night with toasts to Taylor’s health.

It’s a short drive, everything they do is clustered closely around downtown. They don’t talk in the car, just take in the darkness of the night as it contrasts with the illumination from the streetlights. Oklahoma City is rather lovely, but it isn’t Edmonton. It isn’t home.

“Can you come up?” Colt asks. “I have this thing; you’ll get a kick out of it.”

He should get back to check on Hallsy. He doesn't know what kind of destruction Taylor could inflict on the appartment in this state, but it’s not like they have much stuff down here, and the stuff they do have is completely replaceable. “For a minute.”

They go up to Colten’s apartment. Nahla greets them, tail wagging, tongue out. Jordan picks her up while Colt flips on the lights. She’s as cute as a button, absurdly small, positively delicate, especially when contrasted with her owner.

Colten hands over an envelope. “My mom was cleaning house and found these.”

Jordan opens it up and sees the glossy rectangles, photographs from when they were teenagers.

There’s a lot of them making faces, smiling with their messed up teeth, captured moments where they didn’t have as many things to think about. It’s interesting to see how close together they stood. It had been good times.

"We were weird looking kids,” Jordan says.

“Speak for yourself,” Colt says, and shoves at his shoulder. “But yeah, we were.”

There's a picture from a school dance, one of the only ones that Jordan went to. It didn’t conflict with his hockey schedule, and he even managed to get a date. Jordan remembers struggling with the knot in his tie; he hadn't known what to do with it, he had to get his mother to help. He's gotten better since then. 

He kissed Colten for the first time after that dance. Or to be precise, Colten kissed him. 

They were walking home from the after party; Jordan’s date had ditched him for some of her friends, and Colt had gone stag. It was just a stupid dance. It might have been called “School Spirit Hootenanny” or “Fall Colors Mixer,” something like that. It wasn’t Homecoming or Prom or the winter formal, just a dumb dance the student council set up to raise money.

The kiss hadn’t come out of nowhere, it had been a sublimated possibility since they met, but it still caught Jordan off guard. Jordan can’t remember what Colten said, but Jordan remembers thinking it was bullshit and shouldering Colten into the bushes. The next minute Colten’s body was shoving against his, bringing their mouths together, hot compared to the cool autumn air.

That had been a good night, now it’s a good memory.

"I should go," Jordan says.

"Do you want me to call a cab?" Colten asks. 

"No, I'm good to walk." It isn't far and he is still impressed by the comparatively warm weather. It will be nice, and a chance to clear his head.

He gets back to find Taylor sprawled on the sofa, failing to work the remotes.

"This couch isn't as good as our real couch ," Taylor says. He's right. 

"Aren't you glad we aren't teenagers anymore?" Jordan asks. 

"I guess? I haven't noticed the difference yet. Maybe this is one of those things where you're weird because you're older than me."

Right now Jordan is really enjoying being mostly grown up, and the privilege that seeming to be an adult grants him. It means he can avoid things he doesn't want to deal with. He can make way different better choices now than he did as a teenager. "I should get a boyfriend. Maybe. Or, like, go on a date."

“You should do that,” Taylor agrees, but that doesn’t matter. Jordan is too smart to take advice on his love life from Taylor, who isn’t very good at this stuff, even if he is Jordan’s best friend. But maybe he should. It’s been a long time since he dated anyone, but he remembers it being pretty nice. It might be nice to live like that again. Or something. Maybe. Whatever.

~*~

The next time the subject of Jordan’s love life comes up is during the eight hour drive to play the Texas Stars. It’s been awhile since Jordan’s been stuck on a bus trip like this, and he hasn’t missed them. He can still remember how it works though, the way people form their own little ecosystems, creating pockets of companionship.

Schultzy and Nuge are sitting next to each other, watching the new episode of the Walking Dead. Hallsy is catching up with Maggie, teasing a bit, asking what it was he said to piss Hackett off in the last game. And Jordan is sitting next to Colt; the two of them on the bus together sending him back in time.

Colten is thinking the same thing; “It’s like being in Juniors only there isn’t school in the morning and we aren’t trying to sneak off to make out.”

“Thank god,” Jordan says.

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad at kissing. I wasn’t bad at all.”

“I meant that it’s great that we don’t have school. I wouldn’t knock your skills, those were some quality makeouts.”

“Yeah, eventually they were. At first though...not so great.”

“Kissing is a skill like everything else,” Jordan says. “It takes practice to be good.”

“Ugh, does that mean that if you aren’t making out you’re becoming a worse kisser? Or is it more like a bicycle thing, once you’ve mastered it you’re golden.”

Jordan shrugs. “I have no idea. I hope it’s a bicycle thing, otherwise I’ve been getting worse.”

“No make outs for the the NHL All Star?” Colten asks.

Ebs shrugs.

“Seriously, you can’t find anyone to kiss you? That’s just sad, man.”

“Edmonton is a wonderful city that loves its hockey; somebody’s going to notice if I pick up guys. And if I go out in Regina I’ll see someone that I know. And now I’m in Oklahoma which is just...” Jordan honestly has no idea what Oklahoma is, other than a place where he doesn’t quite belong.

“Yeah, your life is so terrible.”

“No, it’s great. It’s just that the only time I score it’s on ice.”

Colten laughs even though they’ve been making that joke for years. “You’re hilarious.”

Jordan is so glad they’re friends.

Colten leans over, pushing Jordan back against his seat, crowding him against the window. They stay close like that for a moment. Then there’s a kiss, which is hardly surprising. It’s good though. Familiar and warm.

Colt pulls away. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t getting rusty.”

“Yeah? So how’d I do?” Jordan asks, knowing he might not like the answer.

“Great. This is definitely a bicycle type situation.”

That’s a dumb thing to say. This conversation shouldn’t involve metaphor. Still: “I guess you’re not so bad either.”

“Well that’s to be expected. I have been practicing.”

Jordan rolls his eyes. Colt can take his bisexual privilege and stuff it. “If you’ve been practicing so much it would make sense that you’d get better eventually, but no; you’re just as good a kisser now as you were when we were teenagers.” Colten was pretty good at making out when they were teenagers, but there’s no need to mention that.

They had been the best sort of goofy teenage boyfriends. They looked after each other through the high school drama and the thrill of major juniors. Jordan has a lot of fond memories of those times. They played a lot of video games and copied each other’s math homework. They had a decent amount of sex, most of which seems really sloppy and terrible in retrospect, but at the time it had been the best thing ever. It had been someone else doing stuff with Jordan’s dick, which was so fucking exciting.

That had been a long time ago, kind of. Years. Long enough.

Colten settles back into his own seat, looking unjustly smug. It wasn’t that great of a kiss.

Jordan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything. They’d just start teasing each other more, which isn’t necessary. He’d rather steal some sleep. He elbows Colten in the ribs, fondly, before closing his eyes.

The road is can be calming, but now there are busy gears whirling in his mind. Colten shouldn’t have kissed him; they don’t do that anymore. They grew up and broke up, which implied a commitment to keeping their lips off each other’s faces.

They’d had great reasons for breaking up. Getting drafted by different teams was the most obvious excuse, but there was more. They were younger then, and the decision to not be tied down in any way made sense considering the general uncertainty of the future.

They could never have predicted winding up here, playing hockey together in Oklahoma. They aren’t quite as young anymore. Jordan knows himself better now, heart and mind. He’s spent years living with the decision to break up when they did, and he never regretted it. He still doesn’t regret it, the past is the past, what’s done is done, and it worked for them.

The future though, could be very interesting. They never could have predicted this. Now that they’re here, the question is: what comes next?

~*~

The game is pretty bad. Jordan is back on a line with Taylor and Ryan, which feels great, but the rest of it sucks. It’s their third game in as many days, coming after a long bus ride, while the home team is well rested. Losing is familiar, but never fun.

Then it’s back on the bus, back to Oklahoma, and all Jordan wants to do is go home. That can’t happen, not really, because the lockout hasn’t ended, but Oklahoma City will do. Oklahoma isn’t home, but it’s full of possibility. He puts on his headphones and hopes he doesn’t have to open his eyes until they make it back to the panhandle state.

~*~

Wednesday after practice Colten invites him over to see Nahla and hangout. Visiting with the puppy would be a shitty excuse to visit, so it’s good he doesn’t need an excuse. They’re friends, friends hang out.

Nothing has changed. One kiss doesn’t have to mean anything. Sometimes kisses are things that just happen, when you’re drunk in Helsinki, or need to make Taylor shut up, or are driving through a time warp in Texas. Their kiss was a release of excess of nostalgia, they’re normal now: totally normal ex-boyfriends, now just-friends, almost-best-friends, playing hockey in Oklahoma. Totally normal. 

Until it isn’t.

Jordan is never clear about how it happens. One of them must have said something, or done something, there must have been a sign, but one moment they were talking and the next moment they were kissing.

Jordan remembers this. He has to reach up to kiss, Colten’s big hands grabbing at his hips, knowing he can take whatever he wants, that Colten’s offering it all. It’s hardly been a minute and they’re already breathing heavily. His stamina should be better now than the last time they did this, but no guarantees. He kisses Colten hard, nips at his lip. There’s no holding back.

They still fit together. If they’ve grown, they’ve grown in proportion to each other. Colten still has the size to be surrounding, overwhelming Jordan’s senses with a familiar rush of lust.  
Colten still trusts him to lead. He waits for Jordan to urge them forward, follows the cues to lose his shirt, to stumble into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them to keep the dog out.

They nap after, which is notable because it’s new. When they used to do this there had always been a rush to put their pants back on, to look presentable, to get to practice. Now much more of their time is their own, to do with as they please. There’s no one to say that Jordan can’t spend the night if he wants to.

It’s pleasant to wake up in a body-warmed bed with their legs tangled. This too is new, and excellent. Jordan imagines he could get used to this, if repetition is an option.

Colten is smiling at him, looking more awake than Jordan feels.

“Is this a thing?” Jordan asks.

“Do you want it to be a thing?”

“Do you want it to be a thing?”

“It isn’t polite to answer a question with a question,” Colten says. He’s such a brat.

That’s why Jordan doesn’t feel any shame in coming back saying, “You started it.”

“Yeah, but you’re a Lady Byng nominee, and I have a franchise records for penalty minutes. That means you’re supposed to polite and I’m not.”

“That’s stupid,” Jordan says. It really is. “You just don’t want to answer.”

“Well, if it’s such an easy question, you answer it.”

“I asked you first.” That means that he should get to know what Colt thinks before he has to come up with his own answer.

“That’s bullshit.” 

Maybe, but still: He asked first. This isn’t going the way he wanted it to. He wanted things to work out, but instead they’re getting tied up in knots of language without emotion. It’s the opposite of okay. He doesn’t have the patience to untangle anything.

“You know, actually, whatever.” Jordan gets out of bed, even though the rest of the room is chilly compared to the space under the covers that their bodies had heated. “I’m going home.” He finds his jeans and boxers on the floor and pulls them on. He thinks his shirt had been left in the living room. “We can talk about this later. Or not at all. Whatever.”

He doesn’t look back to see how Colten takes this, he just leaves. Sometimes walking away from a situation is the right thing to do. Walking away worked fine the last time they were together, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work now.

He’s literally walking away from this, feet on the pavement in downtown Oklahoma City. He doesn’t hate this place, not really, but he’s sure what just happened never would have happened in Edmonton.

In Edmonton they were only ever friends. In Edmonton there had been too many expectations on their shoulders and eyes on their actions for anything to change. Without the grind of the NHL there were empty spaces which making out, or making up, whatever this is could begin to fill.

At home Jordan hardly has time to toe off his shoes before Taylor says, “You look, like, extra pathetic. What’s up.”

“Nothing.” Absolutely nothing is up, because if something had been up it had gotten knocked down by the refusal to say what it was. Jordan isn’t going to start explaining himself now that it doesn’t matter.

“That doesn’t work on me,” Taylor says. “Not anymore. I know what you look like when you’re pissed because you think the emotions you’re having are not worth having.”

Taylor is actually a good friend and if Jordan wanted to have a conversation about feelings he’d totally try to make it work. It wouldn’t, but not for lack of effort. Neither of them learned how to talk about things like this, no one Jordan knows has. They were probably all too busy playing hockey.

“We’re not going talk about it.”

Taylor is staring at him as if not blinking is the key to making everything better.

“Can we just play videogames or something?” Jordan asks. That would take Taylor’s attention off him, and might even take his mind of Colt.

Talking to Taylor would suck, because Taylor would only have positive things to say about Jordan and Colt getting back together. They were a couple when he met them, and he’s never managed to get over the idea that idea that they were good for each other, probably because it was true. They were good for each other. They still are good for each other, in a different way. The only time Taylor really spent with them both was at World Juniors, he doesn’t know anything.

He is good at video games though. Those two facts could be related, and really, what’s more valuable, being able to beat Jordan at NHL13 or being about to give Jordan relationship advice? Clearly the latter.

Jordan actually starts to say, “We should spend less time playing video games and more time...” before realizing he doesn’t have a sound alternative. Talking about their feelings? Reading books? Having grown up emotions? Jordan has no idea, and Taylor seems confused by just the first have of the sentence.

Fortunately he’s rescued from finished the thought by the a knock on the door. Jordan kicks at Taylor until he gets up to see who it is.

It’s Colten, who pushes past Taylor into the apartment, and says, “I’m ready to talk now.”

Taylor looks back and forth at the two of them, before announcing, “I’m gonna go hang with Schultzy and Nuge,” and bolting out of the apartment. He’s a terrible friend. Jordan doesn’t even know why he likes Taylor at all.

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” Jordan says, which is obviously bullshit.

Colten sits down next to him on the sofa, taking the seat Taylor had just vacated, only far more close. Jordan doesn’t usual mind that he isn’t so big, but here it’s annoying. He doesn’t feel trapped, he feels crowded. It feels like he couldn’t leave without finding something in his way.

He can stand up though. That helps a bit. Until Colt stands too, and wraps his hands around Jordan’s wrists.

They’re standing very close together.

Jordan doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what they’re supposed to be talking about.

Colten can make them have this conversation. He can hold Jordan here, not letting him walk away. He can make this moment happen; it would work better if he knew what to say.

“Look—I still—things are different now—at the time—but now.”

“Now what?” Jordan is so frustrated. He has his eyes closed because he doesn’t want to look at Colten’s face. “Finish the goddamn sentence.”

“I still really like you. I never didn’t like you, but this is different,” Colten says.

Jordan agrees on this point. Whatever they may be on the brink of reaching is something entirely new. “I’m pretty sure that breaking up when we did was the right thing to do. We were so young.” It was only a couple of years ago, but so much has happened to them, so much has changed.

“When we broke up it was miserable, but it never hurt like this,” Colten says. “Now it’s like—I can’t describe it really well; Now it’s everything.”

Everything. Jordan can’t comprehend everything. “What does that even mean?”

“I guess it means that now would be a good time to try again. What do you think of that?”

Jordan doesn’t need to take a moment before he says, “I think that sounds great.”

“If we’re going to do this again, we’re going to this right, ok?” Colt asks. “Not hooking up, not casual, we’re talking for-serious boyfriends. Is that what you want?”

Jordan thinks about it: about commitment, sharing dresser drawers, having a step-dog, putting up with the inevitable chirping from their team. “Yeah, I want that.”

Colten loosens the grip he has on Jordan’s wrists but doesn’t let go.

“Ebby, are you 100% sure. If you aren’t then this isn’t happening. If you’re not 100% positive that you want this, it isn’t going to happen. I don’t want to test things out, or whatever. Because if we do this again, and it doesn’t work out, I don’t know if we would be able to be friends again. But if we stop right now...”

“I’m sure.” He is. Saying it makes it so.

“Good.” Colten takes a step back, his hold on Jordan shifts so their fingers intertwine. “That’s good.”

Jordan pulls them closer, and looks up at Colten. “So, are you going to kiss me now?”

Colt doesn’t answer with words, but with action, bringing their mouths together. It’s familiar and new; hot soft wet; very good. The kiss lasts for a long moment, which breaks so they can take deep breaths. It is a good kiss, Jordan will remember this kiss, alongside all of the ones in their past, and all the others yet to come.


End file.
